I been having trouble with the Fuji raw file. The main gist of it is my Macbook pro (mid 2009) it’s old most of the software requires a recent os. Sooo F…
It’s time to visit my grandmother who’s been bedridden for a while now. She’s 85 yrs old and is having memory problems. I bless her hand and all she says to me is “Who are you?” around 8 times on repeat. It’s heart wrenching.
Grandma (GM) to Mother(M) : You take care of your sister after i’m gone, okay?
M: Yes. But don’t say those things.
GM: I want to be cremated the day after I pass.
I left for a while at this point then returned to barely hear the last of the conversation.
GM: But what if I don’t die yet? What will I do? What’s taking so long?..
Then she mumbled for a while and fell asleep.
Another reminder of mortality. I’m just grateful to see her again.
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Walking makes me happy. I don’t know why, it just does. It settles down my monkey mind and it’s been a while since I walked around aimlessly, as I do with a camera on hand but that ends today.
Like the reflective nature of a shower, Commute puts me in the same pensive mood.
When you have nowhere to go but sit and wait.
When all you hear are the droning noise of traffic.
That’s when it struck me. We are all going, moving and busy. We all but forgotten the simplicity of being alone with our own thought.
Do we even know our own true thoughts?
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Well my Minolta is still in life support and it might take until next year to be fix. If it can be fixed. I been really itching to shoot again. Luckily I saw a X00f for a price that I just can’t pass up.
There’s a little learning curve. I’m surprised how power starve the little thing was. With my CLE 2LR44 that’s all I needed didn’t even have to change after half a year but with the X100f half a day to 1day at most. I know it’s normal but it’s taking awhile to get use to.
Here’s some taken with it:
The diagnosis is back for the CLE and the prognosis is poor: Broken EV board. Safe to say that the chances of finding a spare part to replace it is slim.
This is a wake up call for me. Everything will break, everything will die. Enjoy it while it last.
Now I’m at a crossroad.
Should I find a replacement film camera or should I switch to digital?
It’s just been ten days but it already felt so long since I last roam the streets with no aim but to shoot..
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Funny how life works. Yesterday I was reflecting that everything will change. How our body is ever changing. growth then decay. How technology is zooming ever faster.
Today as I was on my stroll with my CLE and composing for a shot. I realized the shutter it’s giving me is way slow even it’s sunny. I had a cold sweat break then. I continued my walk fiddling with it hoping it’ll come back alive. First I sold every other film camera I had so I had no back up camera. What can I do this was made during 1980, it’s a 35 years old camera.
Life is really full of ups and downs. So if you’re shooting with a film camera always cherish it while you can.
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Nothing’s constant but change.
You were born, grew from child to man then decayed to old age and death.
We all have a terminal disease and it’s called LIFE. The prognosis is grave you will die. Just imagine a sleep that you’ll never wake up from. But you can’t really imagine it we’re wired to not think about our mortality. It’s in our gene.
But the moment you think and reflect about your mortality gives you a chance to savor and somehow enjoy the remaining time you have. Like the last bite of this man’s bananaQ. Everything ends. The food your eating disappears in 15mins and you already forgot about it in 20. The movie your watching even it’s the 3hr Blade Runner 2049, everything eventually ends. I’ll share to you something I have read recently:
The story I’m about to tell you, originally told by the Buddha in a sutra, concerns a Zen Master who, while out walking one day, is confronted by a ferocious, man-eating tiger. He slowly backs away from the animal, only to find that he is trapped at the edge of a high cliff; the tiger snarls with hunger, and pursues the Master. His only hope of escape is to suspend himself over the abyss by holding onto a vine that grows at its edge. As the Master dangles from the cliff, two mice – one white and one black – begin to gnaw on the vine he is clutching on. If he climbs back up, the tiger will surely devour him, if he stays then there is the certain death of a long fall onto the jagged rocks. The slender vine begins to give way, and death is imminent. Just then the precariously suspended Zen Master notices a lovely ripe wild strawberry growing along the cliff’s edge. He plucks the succulent berry and pops it into his mouth. He is heard to say: “This lovely strawberry, how sweet it tastes.”
It sometimes takes a life and death situation to make you realize how slippery our life really is. That it isn’t really in our control. Best we can do is enjoy every bite and every moment we can get from life. Enjoy every kiss and savor it a little longer. Every hug and even every breathe. I know this is hard I have been working on it for a while and I wrote this mainly as a reminder for me.
So stop searching and start living.
As always. Thank you for reading!
Life is short. We just had a family member that passed away. It made me realize about our mortality. We will all pass away. Nobody is exempted, rich or poor we will all cease to exist in this plane of life. As I come to realize this I looked to my side. To my mom. I’m not ready for death. For change.
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it.”- SENECA
This is what I fear most. That I have wasted my time here to binge watch that new series on Netflix while I neglect the people important to my life. I have spent time doing what I love (Photography and reading) and I have enjoyed every minute of it but I took for granted my parents thinking that they’ll always be there. Which they won’t, time will get us all. Now I try to go wherever they go when I’m free and make the most of the time with them.
Thank you for reading!